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THE THERAPEUTIC IMPORTANCE OF HOLDING CHILDREN THE THERAPEUTIC IMPORTANCE OF HOLDING CHILDREN


Children who have experienced early deprivation in life often develop what is referred to as
Attachment Disorders where the ability to form healthy attachments to others is greatly impaired.
A child whose basic needs were not met at a time when they would be unable to meet those needs
themselves would learn that the world is a very dangerous place filled with people who cannot be
trusted. This lack of trust could also be a prime factor in their extreme need to control others in a
possible effort to get their needs met by using others. Other effects of this early deprivation could
include a pervasive sense of worthlessness, shame and rage. Their need to control often
manifests itself in oppositional behaviors which also have the additional benefit of pushing
caregivers away, as they associate closeness with pain and abandonment, and therefore must be
avoided at all costs.

These children most often operate from the primitive part of the brain (the Amygdala) the part of
the brain used for survival, which is associated with fight, flight, or freeze. They often develop
learning problems, as when children operate out of the Amygdala, the part of the brain used for
learning (the Frontal Cortex) is inhibited. This is why these children often have problems with
cause and effect thinking. These children are extremely stressed, as without this early
nurturance, that part of the brain associated with self-calming (the Hippocampus) is often
underdeveloped, leaving them in a constant state of hyperarousal. This is also the reason that
lecturing, showing anger, or punishing these children is ineffective. Lecturing usually increases the
anxiety of the already stressed child, putting that child in survivor mode, which then quickly cuts
off his/her capacities to think or learn from the lecture. Punishment is also ineffective, as after a
child has survived extreme abuse and/or neglect, punishment most often means very little. In
addition, punishment and/or caretaker anger increases the self-loathing, shame, and rage, thus
creating further behavior problems.

Increasingly, research has shown the importance of holding children in the development of the
brain. The act of holding a child can involve multiple stimulations of the sensory pathways touch,
smell, sight, taste as when feeding the child when holding, and hearing -- as when singing or
speaking to the child when holding. In studies of children with Attachment Disorders, it has been
found that these children can benefit greatly from this sensory stimulation -- that much of the actual
brain damage caused by early deprivation can be improved by holding the child, even an older
child. In addition, the psychological effects of holding are extremely beneficial in the development
of trust (which allows them to give up much of the extreme control), in reducing rage and shame,
and, most of all, in helping the child to feel cared for and loveable. This does much towards
increasing cooperative behaviors that makes living with these children much more enjoyable.

For some of us, holding our children comes as naturally as breathing. For others, especially those
of us who have been neglected or abused as children, holding our children is not such an effortless
endeavor and might even feel extremely uncomfortable, but from all indications, the act of holding
is well worth the effort, and may have beneficial effects for the caregiver as well as the child.

Shirley Crenshaw (7/4/03)